1

Treats and Tribulations: Part 3

Image result for crepes

I quit my job.

It’s all over.

I’ve blended my last milkshake, wiped my last table and made my last waffle.

Well for now at least.

I can’t say I’ll miss Treats.

My last shift was a hellish 10 hours long (3pm – 1am) without a single break.

We’d just started doing home delivery via Just Eat but Yasser had given Lucia the day off and Mohammed was sick so we had twice the workload with half the staff.

Talk about a sticky situation.

At one point I thought I was going to faint so I just sat on the toilet for ten minutes and had a micro nap.

The whole thing was a shambles really.

Since old Mohammed had gone home we had no chef to make hot food so I had to run next door to buy a chicken burger to send for delivery and when the waffle mix ran out I had to do likewise and sprint to neighbouring Delight’s (their poor use of apostrophe not mine).

As I walked home that night I felt absolutely knackered but also elated at the thought I’d never have to go back.

I made sure to say a final farewell to the cockroach that lives inside the microwave but I wasn’t able to tell Yasser to his face that I quit and rather took the coward’s way out by sending him a text the next day.

He’s since tried to offer me a better deal and has been ringing me but I’ve just ignored it.

He told me before I left that the owner has decided to go with Sprinkles for the new name so I suppose that’ll be my “legacy.”

In the end though, as bad as this job has been it’s taught me something about the value of hard work, the multicultural web of Manchester’s Muslim community and the art of making a perfect crepe.

But I deserve something better

As the French chef Jacques Torres once said,

-“Life is short. Eat dessert first.

 

 

1

Treats and Tribulations: Part 2

 

“Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert” – B.C. Forbes 

But what happens when dessert is your work?

Even though my job often leaves me feeling like a sunken soufflé it still has its perks, ie. FREE CAKE!

Since I’m allowed this one pleasure I usually find myself planning what cake I’m going to sample on my break before I’ve even arrived for my shift.

To date my favourite is still the homemade red velvet but the fruit cake with vanilla icing comes in at a close second.

So yeah it’s not all that bad.

Since my first installment there’s been a bit of a change up to our staff at Treats.

We’re now a fully multicultural team since we’ve been joined by Senna who’s from Eritrea and a Slovakian girl called Lucia.

Sadly Luis has quit for reasons unknown.

Lucia thinks he had an argument with Yasser but he’s since been in to visit and even though I can’t understand Arabic, the laughter and manly handshakes would suggest no lingering animosity.

I imagine he just got fed up of working for a pittance.

Coincidentally Lucia, a stunning blonde of supermodel proportions, also has a degree in Business and is just trying to improve her English for a year.

I wonder how long it will be before young Mohammed tries to propose to her.

There was a French girl called Mailys who worked with us for a couple of weeks but she left, not only because the pay is a bit shit but also because Mohammed kept trying to arrange a date with her and asked her when she’d like to get married.

Senna  has an education from her home country and is frustrated by the fact that she has had to start from the bottom and re-do college since moving to the UK – somewhere she will stay for the foreseeable future since she recently married a guy from here. (at least she doesn’t have to worry about Mohammed’s advances.)

Other interesting developments are that I’ve actually been given the responsibility of renaming the business!

Since I’m the only native English speaker who works at Treats, Yasser decided to consult me on my ideas for new names.

So far I’ve suggested Temptations, Sugar Stop, Sweet Shack and Sprinkles.

Yasser liked Temptations although questioned whether it had any double entendre, i.e could infer desire for a woman.

I said “not really” but he didn’t seem convinced.

I’ve also had the pleasant task of writing the names of the ice creams in pretty fonts on wipe clean labels which was a nice change from unclogging the sink and picking stray hairs out of the custard.

The other day I actually tried to tell Yasser that I wanted to leave and find a better paid job but he practically begged me to stay, telling me that I was “very precious” to him and that “he’d kill me” if I left.

He was joking of course…I hope.

Anyway, since I seem to be stuck in this job for the foreseeable future I’ve devised a little game to make each six or nine hour shift more bearable.

From now on I’ll award myself points for certain things and see how high I can score – maybe I’ll even let Senna and Lucia in on the game….

Points are awarded as follows: 

Kill a cockroach                                                50pts

Kill a fly                                                              100pts (notably more difficult)

Receive a customer complaint                      30pts (though not on purpose)

Yasser says “tables, please”                         20pts

A fly dies in the Insectaflash                        40pts (a horrible sizzling sound)

Find a hair in the ice cream                           200pts

Find a hair in the custard                               80pts

Make a perfect crêpe                                      60pts

 

The list could go on.

Other recent events of interest are that a guy came in and randomly stole one of the fake roses from a display in the front window.

Mohammed chased him down the road where he quickly got into a getaway car with his girlfriend and bolted the door – all Mohammed could do was give him the finger and a few choice expletives.

I was confused since I mistook him for one of the people who randomly sell flowers up and down the curry mile like the Chinese woman who always comes in to harass the customers and offer them three roses for a fiver.

They’ve also installed security cameras so the owner can watch our every move from Saudi Arabia and report our wrongdoings to Yasser like some sort of Middle Eastern Big Brother.

Other than that there’s not much to report.

Each time I go to work I quickly fall into the rhythm of making milkshakes, cleaning the dishes, wiping the tables and repeating the process again and again in almost contented resignation.

The work could definitely be worse and I enjoy the simple things like seeing a child smile as they pick out an ice cream flavour or watching the cookie dough rise and expand in the microwave.

For now this job is the meat of my life, the cake that I eat there, the dessert.

 

 

 

 

 

0

My unofficial guide to learning shorthand

Image result for shorthand

Shorthand; a necessary evil if you want to be a journalist.

It’s also the reason why I haven’t posted in forever since I’m expected to do two hours of practice every night.

That’s two hours of drilling special symbols, dictations and generally losing the will to live.

This level of dedication is however necessary since in order to pass my exam I’ll have to be at a speed of 100 words per minute.

FML

It’s not all bad though.

Our shorthand tutor Ed is young, good looking and laid-back and constantly tells us to not lose heart.

For anyone else who is embarking on this perilous journey to here is my guide to learning Teeline shorthand.

1.) Practice, practice, practice 

Shorthand is a skill and like many skills it comes easier to some. That said the best way to improve when you’re starting out is just to practice as much as possible. Once you’ve got the alphabet down and know some basic theory the best thing to do is keep going over and over your notes. Practice on the bus or the train. Make up sentences in your head and write them out in shorthand. Try to eavesdrop on conversations and transcribe them back. Use every spare second to spruce up your shorthand. It all makes a difference.

2.) Specials are your friend

Shorthand specials exist to make your life easier so every time you learn a new one make sure to commit it to memory. Make a little dictionary of specials and copy them over and over again until they become an automatic reflex. They’ll make your life easier in the long run. With Teeline there is also the possibility of making up your own specials in some cases so try out what works best for you. For example I use three ‘O’ indicators for over and over again. There’s also a girl on my course who uses the shorthand for the letter ‘Y’ when she wants to write ‘why.’  Whatever you do though just make sure you’re consistent.

3.) Size matters

If you’re shorthand isn’t as small as it can possibly be then you’re never going to improve on your speed. It’s as simple as that. Just make sure that you can discern between your bigger and larger letters. For example a small ‘w’ needs to be smaller than a ‘wr’ blend and likewise with the ‘mr’ and ‘lr’ blends.

4.) Use all the resources you can 

It’s best to use a range of resources. I would recommend  Shorthand Games for a funner way to practice the basics and Teeline Online for some free dictations.

5.) Get a grip

A pen with a rubber grip is a must, especially when you get up to higher speeds. If you don’t have one a rubber band works just as well to stop your pen from slipping.

6.) And finally….

0

A day in the life of a final year languages student

These days I rarely get a chance to update my blog. In fact sometimes I forget I even have one until I tack it on to the end of my list of hobbies which I indulge in when I probably should be doing other things like reading about post-feminist film theory. Anyway, it occurred to me that even though the tagline of my blog is “the musings of a languages student” I’ve never actually done any sort of post which makes reference to studying languages or just being a student in general. So, here’s what a day in the life of a University of Exeter finalist is like…

8.00 am

Wake up and turn off annoying vintage style alarm clock.

8.15 am

Get up when proper phone alarm goes off.

8.30 am

Have breakfast: Weetabix with almond milk, pumpkin seeds and banana since I’m no longer just content that I’m saving the lives of enough animals by simply being vegetarian – veganism seems to be the ultimate ethical lifestyle.

9.00 am 

Walk/run to campus because I never seem to leave exactly on time.

9.35 am 

Enter Italian oral class flustered and sweaty from jogging up the hill and also because Devon has a weird humid climate even in January.

11.00 am

Head to the library to study and somehow seem to spend an hour doing nothing at all.

12.00 noon

Write an article about an anti-social seagull

13.00 pm

After waiting in a queue for quite a while I get a delicious wrap from a place on campus which is called “Comida” even though it has no connection to Spain/Spanish.

14.40 pm

Whilst being pensive during a French translation class I realise that I have a chin hair – merde.

15.30 pm

Decide to troll the student forum for Grad ball theme ideas by posting – “Cats cats cats – a party where everyone is a cat.”

16.00 pm

Read about post-feminism in the media

17.30 pm

Make dinner and face derision from housemates who snigger at my love for mushy peas and Linda McCartney sausages.

18.00 pm

Agree to going out even though I know I have to be up early tomorrow and I have lots of work to do.

21.00 pm

Go out on the premise that I will have one drink and one drink alone.

21.30 pm

I’ve had 4 drinks because it didn’t make sense not to benefit from the 2-4-1 cocktails deal.

22.00 pm

Dance in a club during a beats n bass night and feel that my arms are working independently to the rest of my body.

23.00 pm

Have a drunk conversation about life after university and plunge into a temporary existential crisis.

00.00 midnight

Walk home and take solace in the fact that there are many people much drunker than I am eg. a Rugby boy in a pink tutu

1 am

Debate whether or not to get chips

1.15 am

Get chips

2 am

Read e-mails and realise that I’ve got a place on a journalism course starting in September!

2.30 am

Lie awake with nervous excitement

3.30 am

Fall into a deep sleep filled with dreams about cats in formal wear.